.. 18:39 hrs

WOW IM BACK FROM MY VIRGIN TRIP TO RARABALUKUPOO ISLAND OMGOMGOMG DID YOU GUYS MISS MEEEEEEEEEEEE.
actually this virtual mechanism masks all sorts of melancholy so you cant quite tell how im feeling now.
i dont care, anyhow.
t'is gonna be some sort of super long entry, i'll see to it.


27th Feb we had ourselves a night of reflection
just sitting@ the top of the carpark, breathing stars, clouds& sky
i find it hardly sufficient, a simple word of thanks, but that's all i can get myself to say for now.


somewhere along the way we mourned a fellow Victorian's unexpected demise
threshold for annoyance dropped real low that day
while i was trudging to class i saw this girl crying her heart out at the bookshop yet just a few centimetres away a bunch of insensitive fuckfaces were screaming like hyenas.
dont know what kept my sanity in check but i really felt like socking them in the eye.
i knew why i felt that way, of course.


on the night of 1st March i received news that my uncle was in a coma.
didnt know how to react, didnt know what to do.
it's barely been 2 years, &i face the possibility of losing someone again.
i told 2 people, then couldnt restrain myself any longer.

the next day i ponned some.
to wait for my mum's call.
i'd really have to thank Ben for accompanying me, for cheering me up immensely when i really felt the impact of it all again.
&Vicki too, for sitting with me when i didnt feel like going back to talk to the rest@ the treehouse, so much love, girl (:
well it had to come, i held back the tears for such a long time, too, but finally couldnt take it.
thanks YanLing thanks Dii thanks Vicki thanks Dan thanks Ben thanks Loonger thanks Nehji thanks Audz.

saturday we had ogl training which was, to say the least, a bundle of fun.
INO'S REALLY REALLY SWELL, what with the enthusiasm& fervour.
went over to Audz' place for the BIG match of the season (:
O'shea drove ManU to an unexpected win& i, WAS, STUNNED.
but a win's a win& you really have to take whatever luck throws you now at the final lap, so yay.
&as usual, my insensitivity killed someone, in a way.
i wanted to throw myself into the oven when i realised, but you can never nearly take back the things you say.

sunday i went over to the Spore Casket.
i didnt want to look into the coffin initially but my mum made me.
i knew i wouldnt be able to take it, simply because it was such a painful reminder.
there& then i really question the graciousness of these alleged religious people.
would you cut this hypocrisy already !
've a bad feeling i might not even be agnostic anymore.


a little bit of happiness& sadness at the moment.
i dont know what to feel
coming face to face with this chronic ailment called Attachment.
it's hard when reality slaps you in the face once again
dont know what its gonna be like going to schl tmr, the lack of familiarity setting in once again.
i'll miss voices, i'll be looking around for a bundle of familiar faces before realising they wont be around anymore
sad, but i'll have to condition myself.

s33 outing today, i tell you these people i really love so much
Bong youre so cool ill really really miss you ):
Things youre so lovely ill really really miss you too ):
Mel im praying your appeal'll be accepted.
i'll miss the Joshuas, Dawn, Xinying as well.
cant rmb who else, but yeah.

PLS LET TEDRID STAY IN VJ, TOO, FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

*

im thinking about Music& Lyrics
about the possibility of such a coincidence.
a girl who's good with the lyrics& a guy who's good with tunes.
how pleasant !

*

apart from all that's been happening these days.
i really want to tell the world,
that DANIEL SOON WEI REN'S THE BESTEST BROTHER ONE COULD EVER ASK FOR.
whatever he said on the night my uncle went into coma, albeit simple, made me cry
warm tears, that is
dont know what good ive done in the past to deserve such a friend.
&at times, i really feel that the things i do arent sufficient as compared to the things he has done for/said to me.
ahhh i seriously suck at tryna let my thoughts materialise.


hmm ohyar.
i should start studying.
for the past 3 tests ive been reading 2pages of textbook& then faling asleep/re-copying everything onto notes& then deciding to sleep/attempting to read the notes in bio tutorial respectively.
bio 11.5/22 bioII 10/20 econs 20/30 (HAHAHHAAHA i almost died)
maybe im another Nat, hahahhha.
besides, ive been ponning so much Dafril calls me Pon-Star.
NOOOOOO OKOKOKOK STOP, XINRONG STOP PONNING LECTURES& TUTORIALS.

ohyesss
my love for an old song has been rekindled so yay.
On Fire's really a beauty to listen to/play.
that day i was alone at home i closed all windows& doors, blasted that very song& let myself zone out then.
i tell you twas bloody good.


a distance so near yet so far
but i'll make it
one day
now that hope in the form of a
figure runs ahead
of me
i'll follow, not to lose sight
slowly towards
acceptance

♥ XOXO ♥