.. 19:42 hrs

today i sat my emotions on a swing.
so we went all the way up
but you really cant defy gravity for too long
down we went, feet brushing the sand
the momentum ensured that we'd go up up up again
&then when we came down once more
i fell onto the ground, bruised knees& all.


youre not a failure at all, Ben.
i am.


&i thought i'd have learnt my lesson.
it's fucking ironic.
people always let the words "you'll learn to treasure once it's gone" hang at the corner of their mouths
yeah i can chant that like a personal mantra everyday, &still commit the very mistake.
yeah you lose some, you lament, tell yourself never to fall back into that insensitive skin, tell yourself to cherish every given opportunity; then as time passes you relapse, &there you go again, right back into that sick cycle.

argh i could sit here& play the 2ndline of 9crimes over& over again i tell you.

♥ XOXO ♥